now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
