I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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