Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
