she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
