rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
