I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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