U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
