i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Of course I have a pirate flag
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize