I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
