so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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