If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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