we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
