That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
