is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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