So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
