im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
did i just pee glitter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
