no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
