some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
