haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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