Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
