im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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