i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
