This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
