my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
