The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
