I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Michael Bay diarrhea
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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