Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
