He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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