God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
