You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
