We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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