i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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