Whod you bang
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
