is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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