I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
