he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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