it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
