You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
