when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
