Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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