Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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