seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
