someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
