just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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