Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
