Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
