His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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