my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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