You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
