she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
