JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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