she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
