I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
