my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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