After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize