census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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