Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
