Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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