Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
