I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't deserve a penis
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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