im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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