I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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