using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
