Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
It's just like the Real World with babies
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
