Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize