Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
